A teacher’s opinion on school violence

This post is not about guns or arguing if they should or should not be legal. Don’t get me wrong. I am all for the second amendment, and those that know me well know that if conceal/carry were passed in my school I’d be the first in line. I was raised in a town where kids came to school with guns in the back of their pickup windows to hunt on their way home. Never once was I ever scared for my life or thought about using one to harm someone else. We had respect for the firearm and respect for each other. I was in high school 16 years ago, which in the grand scheme of things isn’t that long. So, what’s changed over the past 20 years to make these episodes so common, and what can we do about it? Here’s an opinion from a teacher….

Let me give you a little background. As of today, I have taught 9 years in 5th, 1st, and 4th grade. I’ve taught in a school where a farmer literally plowed his corn field to build the school. All the kids were bused in and were as country as you can get. I’ve taught in a school in inner city Milwaukee with bars on the doors and windows. We had guards that had to open the door one by one to let teachers in for the morning. We weren’t allowed to be at the building after dark because people had been attacked in the parking lot. I’ve taught in a very upper scale school where you had to have a key to get into the gated community. I’ve taught in a high poverty, high ELL community where language is actually a barrier to learning and most students don’t have support at home. The point is, I’ve covered the gamete of about every type of student there is to teach. I can safely make the assessment that overall, kids are kids. What’s one thing that they all have in common? Mental health issues with low support.

What’s lacking in today’s society of students?

MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT

As I watched the news these past weeks of the latest shooting, only 3 miles from my previous elementary school where a lot of my former students now attend, I was overwhelmed. I was sad. I was angry. I was in constant contact with parents. Those were students I had taught. Those were friend’s children that attended that school. Those were families I grew to love that are now facing the scariest moment of their existence. All I could do was call each family and make sure their children were safe, and then pray.

Our jobs as teachers in this world has changed. We are no longer just there to educate. This is not a pity party by any means. This is the profession I signed up for. However, a modern day teacher’s job today is a lot about counseling and support, which we are not adequately trained to do. We run restorative circles to help children learn how to handle conflict with peers. We have rewards for positive achievements. We create anti bullying campaigns and truly listen when kids need help. We contact parents, administration, social services, and anyone who can help the child. It’s still not enough.

What’s lacking? Students don’t know how to handle conflict in this day and age. They aren’t taught conversational skills anymore, so they hide behind fake personas through video games and social media where they feel secure and untouchable. They don’t know how to have a confrontation with someone without flying off the handle or getting immediately defensive. However, these children are not to blame. We are.

Most times after a tragic incident we hear these sayings,
“I had a feeling when he grew up something like this would happen.”
“He showed all the signs.”
“He used to talk about doing something like this, but I just thought he was messing around.”
“He was an outcast. We just never asked him what was wrong.”

I’ve heard a lot lately from people who think the school is at fault or should have done more to prevent something like this. I’ve heard that there was no criminal record for the student. Let me tell you the truth behind what happens.

I have had a gun brought to school and left in my classroom for two weeks. TWO WEEKS. All the kids knew about it, and it took TWO WEEKS for anyone to say anything. Why? They were scared because of threats from the student that he would harm them if they told. I have had a student that had graphic writing with so much detail you wouldn’t believe it came out of a nine year old’s head. It had threats of others and their families, and I personally walked him out to a police car where he was taken to a psychiatric ward. I have had a student claim she was possessed by the devil, and we did a reverse lockout where each student had to be calmly removed from my class while she hurled insults at them and threw anything she could get her hands on. I have had students raped by their father, students beat by their parents, students bounced into multiple foster houses, and students who have had siblings pass away and dealt with loss that most adults haven’t. I have bought food for students who don’t get any over the weekends and clothing for those that have nothing in the winter. I have been cornered by a parent and had my life threatened for reporting his family to get his child help. I have had students sob in my lap while they pour their heart out, filling me in on their thoughts of suicide, anger, depression, and feeling hurt by others.

What have I done about it? I have reported every incident to social services. I have gotten police involved. I have reached out to school psychologists and counselors. I have contacted parents. I have listened to podcasts and done research on how to help in the classroom. Most of the time, that’s where it stops. The problem is they’re not doing anything illegal. They’re troublesome. They say worrisome things. They act out in odd behaviors. However, they don’t commit anything. All the signs are there that when they snap, it will be bad. They’re always walking the cusp of the line. Kids with issues deep enough to cause legitimate harm to others are not usually acting on a whim or impulse. This has been festering in their mind long enough where they think there’s no other option. So, if a student has sent death threats to someone else, has claimed their working with the devil, has had suicide or mental psychiatric evaluations, etc, that does not go on a permanent record unless the student acts on it. The school can’t even require that the student get psychiatric or mental health, or the school is then liable to pay for the therapy.

Those of us that work with elementary students see the signs, but our hands are tied. Social services is an area that is supposed to step in and intervene. However, they are so overworked and understaffed that unless there’s extremely high evidence and a verbal statement from the student, they won’t do anything about it. They just don’t have the manpower to follow up in detail on every case reported. Out of the multitude of times I have called social services, only 1 report has been researched and it was deemed “not enough evidence.” When parents are involved, typically there’s an attitude that “certainly my child wouldn’t do that. What’s going on to provoke him?” Many times excuses are given so the student doesn’t feel that there’s something wrong with him or to save the reputation of the child. There’s also the problem of the realistic video games. There’s a time and a place for screen time, but spending hours upon hours every day turns into an obsession. Young students aren’t mature enough to know the difference of reality vs a game. That becomes their reality, and if the game deals with problems through violence then why shouldn’t they?

Students who go through with these crimes have so much anger and hatred in their heart. It didn’t start like that. It built from something in their past and grew. They didn’t know a way to communicate or have an out to express it or ask for help. Mental health is something kept so hush hush because it’s “embarrassing” and “something must be wrong with you” if you see a therapist.

Please, for the sake of everyone, this must be changed. If the school comes to you with concern, don’t take it that we are targeting your child. We are doing the absolute best we can to keep everyone safe and give you any warning signs that you might be able to combat before it becomes a larger issue. I would rather be overprotective and wrong than underprotective and feel responsible for something happening to students I’ve vowed to protect. Pay attention to what they’re doing in their personal life. Spray painting their cars with crude sayings, drawing pictures all over their notebooks, being obsessed with video games, constantly complaining about others being mean to them…this list could go on forever. It seems that in almost every incident there were warning signs. Talk to your child. Know who they’re friends with and what they’re doing in their spare time. It’s your business to be nosy as their parent. If they need help, get them help! I once had a parent come to conferences and kind of hem haw through the academic part. She then stopped me in the middle of the conference and said, “I’m not so much concerned about his grades. I know you’re doing what you should to prepare him. I’m concerned about how he’s treating others. Is he including everyone? Does he know how to share and collaborate? Is he KIND to those around him and help the ones who are having a bad day?” This has stuck with me every year since. I now dedicate a large portion of conferences to informing the parents not only on academics, but also on their child as a person. If your teacher doesn’t include this information, ask them. I’m sure they will be happy to provide it. Be this parent.

If you happen to be reading this and are any part of the state or local budget committee for education, we beg you to increase our support of mental health in schools. They need real programs that teach them how to deal with real life issues. Coloring pages and discussing what makes them happy doesn’t cut it anymore. They need discussions on what to do when they’re feeling these things, how to get help, who to trust when they are having negative thoughts, how to report suspicion and why they should report, and how to deal with the new realities of life. We need to make it ok to speak about our thoughts. If we don’t teach them when they’re young, when will they learn? While teachers and students are prepared for lockdowns and lockouts, why aren’t we preparing students for a future that won’t involve that as much?

Talk to your kids. Limit the violent video games. Know what’s going on in their lives. Support your school. Know that us teachers deeply love your children. We take their problems home with us every night. We are doing what we think best for everyone each and every day. Most of us would die in the line of fire protecting them, but please try to help us limit the chance that we will have to.

Here are a few resources to discuss with your child:

http://bit.ly/linesforlife – Lines for Life – An anonymous line for anyone, including young students, to call for help covering a variety of topics

http://bit.ly/namiforhelp – National Alliance on Mental Health – a list of resources for you to call and information to learn about each illness

http://bit.ly/todaysparentmentalillness – Today’s Parent – Suggestions for you on talking with your child

https://safe2tell.org/ – Safe to Tell – a way for your child to report a suspicion anonymously

http://bit.ly/yourenotalonemovie – A documentary from a high school student about being popular but the behind the scenes weight of “wearing the crown.”